It's never easy start from scratch but that's position I'm in right now. It seems that all my progression over the last few years has been for not. Because of one simple choice and now find myself in a position where I have to take a job that pays well below than I was making before making the choice. Just over six months ago I decide to leave one job for another, and it was easy for job that I originally applied for they in fact hunted me down and asked me to come for an interview. I only went to the interview to get more interview experience and was shocked when they offered me the job, for the simple fact that I didn't have all the qualifications for the job they offered. I even pointed this out to them on multiple occasions and only accepted the job because of the promise of mentorship and proper training. The training ever came and I never received a mentor, the training game he was in the form of a manual that I had to memorize within a few months which is contrary to how I learned. It was also not what I originally agreed to when I took the job became to know shock when they finally terminated me.
Now I've been unemployed for a month and a half and already bored to tears. It isn't like I haven't been applying for jobs, in fact I've applied to more jobs in the last month and a half than I ever have in my entire life and at least been having one to three interviews a week with no luck. I can't even begin to describe the frustration I am having, this is the longest time I've gone without employment including my three years of my original diploma. Even when I took a week vacation I was still working since I had classes and course work to complete. This is the longest time I've gone without anything to do besides my one class a week which I have to admit has been a godsend to me. It wasn't for the class I would still be blaming myself for losing that job but now I find myself in a position where I can no longer around and wait for a new job, I need to be doing something.
Now I will admit to everyone that I wasted the time on my hands. I could've been working on the various creative projects I have on the go or indulging in the many hobbies I have but I haven't. All I've been doing is my schoolwork, job hunting, writing cover letters, sending out applications and going to as many interviews as I can and only focusing on finding employment. Now I'm not saying that's not important I do want a new job and I do need to find a new job but besides that I'm been wallowing in self-pity and is becoming more depressed which hasn't been helped me in the long run and in fact could be impeding me in some way that I am not even aware of.
I still plan to look for new job and in fact planned to dedicate at least three hours a day to job hunting but I will also be exploring alternatives. I intend to get back to the gym which even though I've been paying the monthly fee for it I haven't been going, which has been only a waste of money. I need to get back to being active for all the progression I made in my weight loss journey will be for not. I also want to get back to writing and not just these blog posts which I just now undertaking but on the back to create a right, my poetry and possibly working on the world building I have been putting off for many years. I also want to get back to my photography in learning more about it, improving my skills and I hope one day getting to the point where a connection make some form of income from it. I also have been meaning to teach myself how to draw again. I remember a long-time ago, back in junior high that I was fairly good at and in fact enjoyed it and since I am a draft by trade I should be able to transfer that skill to a more creative area or at least I hope so.
I'm also going to take this time to teach myself new skills and improve upon the skills are have. I should be taking this time to improve my drafting skills and my understanding of the programs I use such as AutoCAD and MicroStation and seeing where I can progress on my own initiative. I also want to take this time to learn how to do Photoshop and work with illustrator as well as learn how to use Lightroom better, since it is the primary platform I use for editing my photos. I even want to learn how to edit my photos and work better and this is time I can use to do that.
I finally came to the realization that if I don't keep up on my skills and continue to learn it at least keep active somehow I will simply slide back to bad behaviors; bad behaviors that allowed me to become over 400 pounds, which made me a social outcast, and slipping back into old habits that will only hurt me in the long run. I know all this will take much time but since I have the time I might as well use it to begin the process of becoming something more than I am now. I might be without a job for now and have come to terms with the fact that I may be without a job for some time but it doesn't mean I have to waste that time or just use it to find a new job. I can use that time to prove myself, to regain the creativity I lost, and expand on both my drafting skills, my understanding of the programs as well as the new skills and learning in school.
Like the less I learned in leadership, a true leader has to take it upon themselves to continue learning no one else is responsible for. I have to start taking responsibility for my own development and my continual development into who I want to be and not just who I am and what others think who I am. Too long have I allowed my bad habits, negative behaviors, and other people's views on the to control how I see myself. It's time that I redefine myself and see what I'm capable of doing. I'm not saying I won't stumble on the way but any path in life starts with the first and I think putting this down to text is the first step in becoming something more, something greater than I am now. I know I have the capacity and the ability within myself I just have to have more faith and take it on myself to prove that, not just to myself but to the world as well.
Years to taking the first step in beginning the process of my own self evolution and hopefully transforming my life into something what I want to be and not just what it is. As I have always said "time to embrace the madness for that is where true creativity and our future lies." Time for me to embrace the madness and see what I can become form it.
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