This post has been a long-time coming. It's already February 2013 and I am only now thinking of it as a new year. Because I finally found a job within my field and so it feels like a new beginning for me. The job might only be a temporary one but it's a job that will give me more experience and I hope will help me earn my CET designation I wanted for two years. I am also hoping that this job may lead into a permanent position within the same group down-the-line. But all that is unknown to me and right now. I will take solace that I have found employment again, have some form of income coming besides EI and that I can get benefits through blue cross.
New Years is about beginnings and a fresh start which is something I need in my life. When 2012 started I knew it was going to be a year of many changes. Don’t ask me how I knew that I just knew but I never realized how many changes I would have to endure. First my gaming group and friends were reposted to different locations. I was with this group of people for almost three years gaming every single Saturday or nearly every single one. We became a close-knit group of friends that began hanging outside gaming. Though I still communicate with them losing that group was a great blow to me. I didn’t realize how much that weekly socializing meant to me till it was gone. I have been in a search for a new social outlet since then and have explored different besides gaming. I have gotten more involved with my photography meet up group and other meet up group around my city.
Another change last year brought was a new job in a different field I was in and the job lost that came after it. It was the first time in my life that I have taken such a risk before. Never before would I have considered a drastic change to my life and what it could have resulted for me. I faced my fear and tried a job that I knew going in was just above my expertise, fully knowing that I could be without a job before my probation was up which did happen. I even faced the fear of unemployment and an uncertain future. In some facets I am still facing an uncertain future since the job I am currently employed in is only a temporary one and could end between a year to a year and a half. The only reason I keep an eye out for new postings is to find a more permanent position. But this job will lead to several things I have been trying to obtain for years my CET and it’s a good foot in the door with the municipal government. It doesn’t mean I will stop looking at other jobs but can take solace in the fact I have found employment that pays well though no benefits.
Last year involve many personal changes for me and I believe that trend will continue into this year. I am finally taking the time to discover who I am as a person and who I want to be. As most people know such self-reflections and transformation are never easy. It takes much self-re-evaluations of one’s own life and admitting when you’ve made mistake which no one ever wants to do. Admitting to our personal flaws is not something most people want to do much less do something about them. Changing our behaviors and attitudes towards life takes much personal strength and conviction of character to succeed. Too often we find it easier to fall back to past behaviors and ways of thinking because it what’s we know and what we know is more comfortable as well as less scary to face. That is why most people fail with New Year resolutions because they simply fall back into their old behavior since it is easier than making the change.
In my case falling back to my older behaviors and ways of thinking is no longer a choice for me. I’ve been through too much in the past year to allow that to happen and now I have to change to adapt to the event happening all around me. Few people are happy with their personal lives and fewer find the drive to do anything about it. Well I believe I finally found the drive to do something about my own life and am now I am taking the time to think where I want to progress. It's time to do those hard personal reflections and question my past actions, discover why I made the choice I made and admit to all my personal faults and limits. Now this won’t be a simple and could take the rest of the year to succeed but if I want to grow as a person I have to start somewhere. Since I do want to grow as an individual I am taking it on myself to do all this. I won’t lie to myself; most likely it will be a hard and terrifying process to go through. One filled with many doubts and possible shame over what I done and acted in the past.
As last year was a year of many changes so will this one but the changes won’t only be external. I plan to change a great deal about myself, from how I view the world and the way I think. No longer will I limited myself to one single perspective. Now is the time to escape the box I placed myself in before the lid is sealed shut trapping me forever as the person I was.
